Investing in Me: How I'm Prioritizing Self-Care and Personal Growth in My 20s

mood. and that’s on self-love.

Last Updated: October 2024

I could and would definitely make “dating” a topic of this series, however, I am not dating - actually, I’m dating myself. 

It seems obvious that “dating” would be a topic in a series regarding living life in your 20s, but we gotta keep you on ya toes. JK, it’s really just that, at this moment, dating is not for me. 

Between being a content creator, while actively being a full-time corporate baddie, it’s a lot. I’d lowkey be at a gamble with my time: how do I make time for myself, time for dating, all on top of my work and passions?

I’m not opposed to dating - I definitely think meeting new people, flirting, getting dined out, and all of that sh*t, is super fun and holds a lot of value, but that sh*t lowkey be a lot of work, ya know? I feel like I’m at a point in my life where I want to be single and want to date myself. 

What I’m learning about myself

Learning about myself means investing time in my own work and my own passions. 

I wouldn’t be opposed to going on a date - I’d be more opposed to like… continually talking to someone… and them having my number. I just want to be #unbothered. I can’t give ample time or energy to someone else right now, so why put myself out there like that? 

I’m tapping into a lot of self-reflection and healing at this time, which is helping with self-discovery. This, in itself, requires a lot of time and energy. 

I’ve come to learn that I love learning. I have honestly been missing school - I like having open dialogue that deepens critical thinking and opens your mind to different perspectives - not only does it help you learn about different topics in general, but it helps you understand where your perspectives/values lie. It also helps you to have an open-mind and just constantly think about the world around you. It helps with your critical thinking. 

See, b!tch, merely speaking of being critical and deep thinkers allows the scholarly writing to pour out. 

But, back to self-reflection: I’m realizing all of these things about myself where I just want to continue to go down that rabbit hole for the time being. 

“yeAh, bUt wHat iF yOu mEeT SomEoNe?” 

Well, b!tch, that’s a big “what if” and something that we’ll figure out if that were to happen and when it does happen - bottom line is, i’m just not actively participating in the dating. 

Further lonesome thoughts

It’s not even that I don’t want to date LMAO, I just want to shift my focus to myself right now because 1) I love learning more about myself and 2) I got sh*t to work on. Like I said, being a full-time corporate baddie while being a content creator, girrrrllll, there’s only so much time in a day. With my down time, I’d rather spend it on taking myself out, reading, writing, working out, etc. I like being single right now and having all hours, minutes, days, thinking about myself. Circling back, it’s just not feasible to give someone else time and energy when I’m this invested in myself. 

So I just think that right now, I’m dating myself and loving my life. Thank you. 

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me<3

Lowkey epiphany: every new period of my life, I feel as if I go through some sort of phase of self-love and self-reflection before everything else falls into place. 

I’m saying this because when I started at a new middle school, I found my style, my vibe, my friends, from mostly being to myself at first, learning more about what I like, exploring new things, before “dating” people. (“dating” because it’s middle school, b!tch, like be so fr). And then same with high school and college. It was all at the beginning - the transition period - where I did that self-love and self-reflection work before investing time in the dating world. I need to be aware of where I am at this point of my life before allowing others deeply in. 

I guess I'm just subconsciously aware of what it means to start a new period of your life: there’s a lot of changes ahead, but first and foremost, a lot of individual changes within these transitions. That means, you’re re-learning and re-discovering who you are at this new point in your life with new life lessons and possible new perspectives of how you view yourself and the world around you. Life changes and life transitions are important and necessary, but so is the self-reflection that comes from within. 

Wow, look at that: knowledge. #KnowledgeIsPower

Entrepreneurial Queens vs. Corporate Baddies: The Battle for Time

Last Updated: October 2024

Do you ever realize how much of our lives are surrounded by time? 

We are literally constrained by the clock. We think about it constantly, especially in a capitalist country, where time and money are damn near synonymous. We are obsessed with making money, which directly correlates to time. 

Everyone is constantly moving, trying to figure out their next move. 

I don’t want to live like that LMAO where the clock runs my life. 

Me and the clock 

I’m having a taste of what it’s like to have the clock run your life, and holy sh*t, y’all really just settled for this?  (A corporate lifestyle btw, if that wasn’t clear) Working constantly, stuck in the same f*cking cycle - day after f*cking day. 

Don’t get me wrong, I really love my job, I just don’t get how people don’t get tired of this sh*t. Like wtf do you MEAN we only have a TWO DAY break in between five whole ass work days. 

That’s some f*cking bullsh*t. 

Inner conflict with time

Bouncing back off of how this generation is changing the workplace, we’re desiring for more freedom financially, personally, and socially.  I still want to work and hustle, but as an entrepreneur, not as an entity in a corporation. In a corporation, you’re running on their time instead of your own time. As much as I love my job, idk how much longer I can run on this kind of never-ending corporate clock. 

I’m really struggling to find time and balance between corporate work and my own passions. I want to give all of my time to my business, obviously, but it’s f*cking exhausting, b!tch - trying to balance being a corporate baddie, but also striving towards becoming an entrepreneur. 

Being a corporate baddie isn’t all that bad. I am definitely learning so much, and think it’s a necessary step for me in my own personal growth, but it’s like, at what cost? Freedom?

The true struggle

The real struggle is being on a strict schedule. 

Listen, if I get a minute off of schedule, everything is f*cking ruined. And this is what I mean by running by clock time. The clock/time is literally running my life rather than the other way around. Do I want that? I mean, who tf wants that? Where every minute of your life is worth, essentially, more than money. Where you’re literally racing the f*cking clock. Like, bro, that’s stressful as f*ck.

But, hey, #GrindDontStop. 

Even though it f*cking should. Lol like slow tf down, let me catch a f*cking breath!!! 

Part of me is like, why don’t we just live off natural time, like the natural human beings that we are? Then the other part of me is like “WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK”, I mean, Riri said it best, amirite. 

So many struggles, feel me? LMAO

What y’all think? 

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me<3

20s, Energies, and Boundaries: Where to Draw the Line

Last Updated: October 2024

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not going to allow my own energy to be disturbed by anyone.

Protecting Your Energy

I think more people need to understand and realize that there’s no issue in wanting to protect your own energy or maintain your peace. Personally, I don’t see any value or advantage in allowing your peace to be interfered with for the sake of someone else.

Why it Matters

It may sound selfish and even a little harsh, but what do you gain by allowing someone else to walk all over your aura? Yes, you are protecting them, but what about ourselves?

Once you realize what’s serving you versus what’s not and you block out anything that disrupts your peace, life is just so much more fun and it feels so much easier.

Finding Inner Peace

I have to be honest, I’m still working on maintaining my peace. With the small changes that I’ve made, I’ve noticed that I feel less worried. It’s my life, and I’m not going to let anyone drain my own energy.

This honestly requires a lot of inner work where you unlearn old habits and become aware of what you bring into your life. This self-awareness can allow you to find true peace because you truly understand what’s positively impacting your life - you understand what you need/want in your life versus what you don’t.

We shouldn’t allow anyone or anything to f*ck with us.

Like how are you going to be disturbing me on my phone? Bye, immediately blocked!

Sometimes, silence is the best answer.

Learning when to speak up and when to stay quiet is a huge lesson that we all need to learn. We’ll have to choose between protecting our peace or pushing our boundaries. There are some things that just aren’t worth our energy - I want us all to be mindful of this. It’s so easy to react without thought, but I want us to at least be aware of this. Be aware of what may be disrupting your peace.

There’s no reason to put your energy into something that’s ultimately going to drain your own. Here’s to being bad b!tches with self-awareness, self-care, and self-love! Protect that energy, b!tch. 

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me <3

Self-Love: The Ultimate Act of Rebellion in Your 20s

Last Updated: October 2024

Listen, b!tch, I love myself. I can’t emphasize this enough. I’ve reached a point where loving and understanding myself has gone beyond anything I could ever imagine, it’s as if I’m dating myself. I mean, I basically am dating myself. I’ve learned the value of my own time and I’m continuing to learn more about myself and the world around me every day. 

We are all multifaceted people. There’s so many layers to each of us, and, let’s be real, sometimes, we don’t even understand our own layers. 

Using Self-Reflection to Reach Ultimate Self-love

Learning how to love yourself and learning how to value your own time is not only about a bath, a face mask, buying yourself whatever you want, etc. Don’t get me wrong, that’s definitely part of self-care and self-love, but what about self-reflection. 

When you self-reflect, you learn and understand more about who you are. You become more self-aware of your thoughts, your actions, and your values. Doing inner work can have the ability to boost your self-confidence and self-love because you have that internal, rather than external, validation. You begin to understand your own self-worth and it’s just a beautiful thing to see and a beautiful thing to obtain because you can then grow to your higher self, your full potential. 

Obviously, this is easier said than done, and can definitely be more beneficial with professional help, but simply understanding what internal/inner work could be potentially done, is already one step closer to your higher self.

Do It For You

There’s always a reason as to why we do the things we do - it’s just a matter of understanding them and using them for your own advantage through self-reflective work. We can continue in old, negative patterns, or we can learn and grow from them. 

If you can give love to others, you definitely should put yourself on the receiving end, too. Learn how to give yourself that same love and learn what you need for yourself. It’s not selfish to want to spend time with yourself or to want more for yourself. It’s your f*cking life, bro. It shouldn’t be seen as negative to want to spend time with yourself, or to achieve high levels of self-love. Self-love comes with self-reflection. The self-reflection work is definitely a long process, but when you achieve that high level of self-love, it will be so worth the wait. You’ll realize just how worth it you are, that you are a priceless human<3

I just want all of us to be our higher selves and to have the utmost love for themselves. 

Find ways to level up, the best competition is with yourself. How can I be better? How can I become the higher version of myself? How would my future self approach this?

Here’s to being the absolute best version of yourself. Send love to yourself <3

And remember, your past, present, and future selves all deserve love.

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me <3

Fake it Til You Slay it: The Power of Confidence and Self-Belief

Last Updated: October 2024

Live how you see your future self, that way you turn into exactly that. I can tell you that when you start to simply act confident, you’ll soon just naturally become confident. And everything just works out in your favor. Believe that.

Building Confidence

Walk around as if you own everything and as if the world revolves around you. Because, it does. 

Power isn’t given to you, you always have it. You are so f*cking powerful, use that. 

The universe always has your back. 

Tell yourself this, every day.

You have to believe it yourself in order for things to happen, for things to align. 

Your words are more powerful than you think. Whatever you say in your mind, whatever you say out loud, your mind is trained to believe whatever you say or whatever you put out there. 

For you boss b!tches

I truly just want you to understand how powerful you are - you’re a bad b!tch. Don’t ever forget that.

When you start being the person you see yourself to be, everything will fall into place. You have to believe that you’re exactly where you need to be and that you are going to end up exactly where you are meant to because the universe knows that. 

I know what you’re thinking, like “this f*cking b!tch” and YES, this f*cking b!tch LMAO. Show up for yourself. MAKE the change. Visualize your higher self and show up and act accordingly. 

You have the dreams and visualizations for a f*cking reason. Now act on it. Just let it be, show up, and be that b!tch. Trust the universe!! It always has your back. 

Let’s get it!

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me<3

Unleashing My True Self: A 20-Something's Fight Against Inauthenticity

Last Updated: October 2024

Author’s Note

Before you read this, I want you to know that this piece needs a rewrite—a new take on how I feel about authenticity. It’s fascinating, for lack of a better word, to see how I felt a year ago. Do I still feel the same? I wouldn’t go as far as saying the same, but there’s definitely more to it now.

I’ve been learning a lot, and I think it’s important that I went through that phase of my life. Why am I still keeping this up? Because I find it valuable. It helps me understand who I was then and how I’ve changed since. It’s been well over a year since I wrote this, and while the content may no longer reflect my current views, it holds value in showing how far I've come and how my insights have evolved.

I want you to know that an updated version of this piece is in the works. For now, you can read the thoughts of my past self—someone who was holding onto a lot of anger and resentment:

Fight Against Inauthenticity

B!tch, I’ve had a whole a$$ epiphany: I’ve been struggling to be myself.

Like do I know who I am? Yes, but very much no. The social aspect of college got me all the way f*cked up.

B!tch, I just feel like the culture difference was a lot on me. I grew up always being around people of color, so I was shocked when I entered college. I completely understand why this girl I was super close with in the beginning of college, dropped out. I do be questioning if I should’ve, too, but, hey, can’t change the past.

I deadass just feel like I don’t know how to act because of my previous inability to show who I was throughout my college experience at a PWI. And listen, you can tell me, statistically, that it wasn’t even half white (I checked out this website, too, for fun) - that statistic HIGH KEY surprised me, I’m not going to lie - but I feel like the difference was with socioeconomic class, to be f*cking honest (I couldn’t find stats for this, so this was just mere observation and judgment). Also, most, if not all, other people of color -whom I’ve met- grew up in places that were predominantly white, so our experiences and backgrounds varied significantly, which made it a little harder to connect. Growing up, I never felt like I had to be anyone else because I was comfortable with who I was - I didn’t feel as if I was singled out as different, whereas in college, I felt hella different, bruh. It was hard to feel comfortable with who I was because it was a struggle to connect with others on a deeper level.

Now, I feel like I’m only “myself” around my family and a handful of other people - I don’t express that authentic side of me enough anymore, so most of my brain is stuck in this “try to conform to the culture around me” survivor mode (ew). Kinda deep, kinda dark. Yeah that place got me more f*cked up than I thought LMAO.

I’m f*cking glad I had this epiphany, though, cause what the f*ck, how dare I let that place dictate my life in a negative way. LOL well, here’s to a year of more self-discovery, being more comfortable with who I am, and not giving a F*CK.

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me<3

Read more about my college experience here!