One way to increase your happiness levels: stop complaining
In my head, I complain a lot. Who am I kidding? Out loud, through text, through tweets. I’m guilty. I complain all the damn time. I was complaining about having to be a non-complainer for a class. It’s bad. The thing is, I didn’t even realize how much I was complaining and how negatively impacting it was until I was challenged to become a non-complainer.
Roots of Complaining
Everyone complains without realizing the repercussions to it. Complaining becomes so subconscious; each individual actually complains about 15-30 times a day (that’s a lot of negativity) (Bowen, 2003).
There are reasons for this; the first being to get attention. We’re wired to have social connections, even social attention, which make us complain. Another reason people complain is to avoid taking action. Rather than trying to solve a problem, we think that getting our rant or complaint out can help us feel better. A common example of this can be a college student complaining about homework assignments rather than just completing them.
People also complain to inspire envy. When people are different from us, we tend to have negative comments. These negative comments are really just a way of trying to prove ourselves better than the others; their actions or thoughts are different, so we feel the need to negatively point it out. I have terrible road rage, and I complain when other people drive slow. However, that only puts myself in a negative mood; the drivers were not driving how I would drive, therefore, I turned it into a negative experience.
Overall, most of us complain to fill in conversation or just because it’s easy to.
Impacts of Complaining
When we complain, we feed into our automatic negative thoughts, or ANTs. Automatic negative thoughts take over our brains and we ruminate about them. However, most of these negative thoughts are lies that we tell ourselves. In many ways, ANTs are a lot like ants in the sense that they can really infest the mind; one or two can be handled, but when there are more, it becomes difficult to. Just like our negative thoughts.
When we complain, we’re actually rewiring our brains for negativity. Our brains want to be efficient, so when we repeat behaviors, our brains make it easier for us to repeat the behavior again in the future. When negativity continues, the connections in our brain become more permanent. Overtime, this can cause us to become more negative than positive because the actions are so heavily repeated.
Not only that, but complaining is almost contagious. We become affected by the complaints of others since we mimic the moods around us. When others are complaining, it becomes so easy to fall prey, too.
Since our minds and body are connected, there are other implications to complaining. It actually has the potential to damage our health, careers, and relationships. It’s simple: complaining drags the energy down, like I said, it’s contagious. Our lives move in the direction of our predominant thoughts, and if they are mostly negative, that is the direction things are going to go.
What to do
So, how do you stop complaining? Well, rather than feeding into your thought, try to think first, what is complaining going to do? Is there something that can solve my problem before complaining about it? When we complain to someone about something, they can’t really do anything about it, only you can. They can listen, but now the whole energy is just negative, the negative energy has been imposed onto someone else. Rather than complaining, find the root of your problem and fix it. If there is nothing to be solved, then maybe there’s nothing to complain about.
I want to note that there are a number of major scaled things to complain about, one of them being the state of this nation. I've been finding myself complaining more, lately. All I can say is that, though there may not be an immediate or even solvable solution, there are ways to take action, but to also speak upon these issues without the cadence of a complaint. There's a difference between stating facts and complaining, which is another big component to help us become non-complainers; when we state facts, it doesn't necessarily impact our negative emotions like complaining does.
It may be hard to even realize that you are complaining because it happens so naturally. When you find yourself complaining, just try to acknowledge it. It’s hard to unlearn habits, but if we just notice it and come up with strategies to combat it, it’s possible. Try to rephrase what you are saying rather than speaking to relieve negative emotions.
With all that said, I would encourage you to become a non-complainer to help elevate your happiness levels and overall wellness. Not feeding into negative thoughts is something I’m still working on, but honestly, even just this short time of trying has definitely lightened my mood. Join me in my journey as I stop with the road rage and other nonsense. Something so small has the power to change your mindset and overall mood, so why not give it a try?
xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me<3
References:
Bowen, W. (2008). A Complaint Free World: The 21-day challenge that will change your life. Virgin Digital.
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