Embracing a Matriarchal Mindset Beyond the 'Airhead' Stereotype

Instagram: @xoxokaels

On a daily basis, I’m a complete airhead. Look, I’m smart, don’t get me wrong, but I’ll have “dumb bitch” moments, and my family will literally be like “you’re so pretty” and I just smile. Because yes. 

There are no thoughts that live in my head. Inner monologue? She lives to think of nothing but lip gloss and cute outfits. 

I’m literally a video stream away from being “yay me! starring london tipton”. 

I truly live in my own world. 

It wasn't until recently where I had ✨thoughts ✨, some may even be considered profound. I thought about how I may be perceived. and I have one word for you: GROSS!!! 

I saw myself through a patriarchal lens - mind you, for the first time ever - and I was truly disgusted. 

Background

I have always been surrounded by strong women of color. Growing up with a single father, the rest of the women in my family stepped up to help raise me and my sisters, including, but not limited to, aunties and my grandma. Being surrounded by strong, independent women, they made it adamant that women are capable of anything, especially since my generation was dominated by girl cousins. 

Despite the fact that we live in a patriarchal society, my own environment felt like a matriarchy – my grandma is literally the matriarch of the family - so I honestly felt so blindsided when I started to grow up and learn more about society. All I ever heard was: “focus on yourself and school”, so it was a given that I was going to make school and myself a priority. I think that they were alluding to not allowing a significant other to distract me from that, but it was never outright pointed out to me. 

It’s not like anyone was saying “no boys!” or sh*t like that. Since it was never brought to my attention, it just never occurred to me that a significant other (in my case, boys specifically) was of any importance or needed any of my attention. 

Because of my own upbringing, I’ve always felt so comfortable with who I am. The focus was always on who I was and who I wanted to be, not what anyone else thought of me.

I’ve mentioned before, and will continue to mention, that I’ve always dressed the way I wanted to, with no judgment from family. I will forever be grateful for that experience I had growing up. While, yes, they would poke jokes about where the rest of my clothes were, it never bothered me. They never said anything negative about how I dressed. 

With that being said, I felt so sheltered by my matriarchal upbringing. HOWEVER, that shouldn’t be a bad thing. It’s a lot of who I am today and a huge reason why I am so comfortable in my body. 

Run it back

The only reason I bring this up is because I totally forgot that other people have different perceptions. I’ve always naturally gravitated towards people who share similar beliefs, who don’t follow patriarchal ideologies. That’s what I mean when I say I am an airhead who lives in her own world. Since I’m constantly around people who are similar to me, I tend to forget that not everyone has a similar belief system. 

Like there are other people, applicable to all genders, who perceive things through a patriarchal lens. When I had satan’s salad (IYKYK), my mind went into an abyss of thoughts through this patriarchal lens. 

While I’ve known the patriarchy exists and I continue to learn more about how to dismantle this belief system, it never crossed my mind to think through that lens. 

When I tell you I was disgusted, I was truly disgusted. Cause what do you mean some people think like that? What do you mean some people are negatively judging me solely based on how I dress? 

Key takeaways

While I am so glad to have been surrounded by positive, uplifting people, it made me truly think of those who didn’t have that same upbringing and are unlearning patriarchal beliefs. 

I love living in my own world and I never want to dismiss anyone else’s experiences because those experiences make us who we are today. It’s just definitely something to think about and ponder. 

I truly want everyone to see how a patriarchal society may skew our perceptions of the world and think of how we can dismantle this to work towards a more inclusive society.

Give power to yourself by embracing a matriarchal mindset and letting go of patriarchal beliefs. 

xoxo,
kaels
too bad ain’t me <3